MInd, Body, and Soul

Beign Comfortable

2009-01-12T17:20:00.000-08:00

Over the past couple of month's I have realized my appetite to hold back. Not be me, but rather just walk along the path. Even if it is simple as sharing post on this blog that no one reads. Some sort of inner anxiety forms at the thought of releasing information online. Dealing with the expectations of the public I guess.

But I have made small but good progress to breaking out of the shell. It easy to hide behind the walls you have created. You know them, they are so comfortable. So scared to go beyond, take one step closer to your destiny. It is almost impossible to let go.

So I promise myself that I will write more on this blog even if it does not make sense. It is a way for me to get comfortable with myself and reach beyond my high walls.

whispers from a spiritual garden

2008-08-18T09:09:00.000-07:00

By Yusuf Islam

The eternal source of love is implanted
In every part of existence -
The desire for another.
Though night and day,
Outwardly appears enemies,
Yet both serve one purpose -
Each seeking the other.

Stream of life by Rabindranath Tagore

2008-06-23T12:13:00.001-07:00

Stream of Life

The same stream of life that runs through my veins night and day
runs through the world and dances in rhythmic measures.

It is the same life that shoots in joy through the dust of the earth
in numberless blades of grass
and breaks into tumultuous waves of leaves and flowers.

It is the same life that is rocked in the ocean-cradle of birth
and of death, in ebb and in flow.

I feel my limbs are made glorious by the touch of this world of life.
And my pride is from the life-throb of ages dancing in my blood this moment.

Life is a bitch but somebody's gotta live it

2008-05-20T17:04:00.001-07:00

In the daily grind of life, I have noticed my ability to become a hard ass. Not to other people around me, but my own self. I have set myself up on expectations that I just lead towards more self-torture. More self doubts and less of self confidence. It is hard pressing questions that I constantly challenge myself with “You can do it all, anything and everywhere”. I do not leave room for acceptance nor do I leave from error in those statements. Those statements hold myself to an image of perfection. It is a scale that is unfitting to me nor to anyone in my life. On the other hand, it is good to embrace challenges and raise the bar once a certain item has been achieved, but it is a double edged sword. The line becomes blurry when those expectations keep increasing without ever conquering the first hurdle. I start out with baby steps and right away move to the end goal without moving to the second step. Like jumping from one clif to another without getting a head start. I set myself up for failure in my task. Not in the task itself, rather the perception of my own failing ability. This has finally taken a toll on my health. Being sick for the past couple of days, has given me time to become aware. Aware of my being. First, all work has come to a screeching halt. Second, my mind is constantly trying to conquer and push me harder although I am sick and I just physically can’t. This has lead to many self-destructing and insecure thoughts, which have consumed me. Although I know it is not me, nonetheless they eat away at your soul and the ground on which I stand.

I find it difficult to be easy with myself because I have constantly found that I must be hard in order to succeed in anything. It is also a stem from fighting my own battles all my life without ever allowing anyone inside. Although I would love to have someone by my side, I just find I become weak when I do so. Life lessons have made me easy to give out to others but not to receive. This dawned upon me when a friend of mine told me “You are terrified to get hurt, it makes you run away”. She is right, I am. It is easier to give without getting hurt but then it is unfair to the people in my life to give their loving gift to me. My rule of life is: Love. If I do not let the love of others into mine then how will I ever fully release mine from my soul.

So in this turmoil of being sick and have vast array of thoughts, I am just going to take my life a bit easier now. As much as my life is so hard grained into becoming stronger (partly cause of my intense workouts), I shall not care and just go for it. I do not know what exactly as I am uncertain but I will just be. So the lesson, go easy on yourself. Life is a bitch at times and no matter what, you will be ok. Just go easy on yourself because you work hard. You only get one life and you only get yourself. Love yourself and live freely. Last but not least, the scale that I had developed was not mine. Actually in reality, my expectations of myself are in grained from my environment. In time they have taken my name but it is not who I am. Be the artist of your life and it is time I paint my canvas.

The perfect video of how I feel. I wish I was a cartoon sometimes :).

Anjani Raahon Mein

2008-05-04T16:42:00.000-07:00

Detachment from attachment

2008-05-03T13:48:00.000-07:00

It is so easy to look at someone in a different situation and provide them with a clear cut solution. But when it comes to my own solutions, I get confused about which path to take. This had occurred to while I was watching “Tare Zamin Par” with my mom. She had commented about how the parenting was not done correctly thus the child was facing such tough issues. After her comment was made I had told her that I had similar characteristics of that same child in the movie and the parental handling was done the same way as in the movie.

Aside: The movie is about a dyslexic child who has a tough time in school being accepted and is labeled a dunce. On the other end it deals with how south asian parents ignore the “retard/disabled” aspect because it is frowned upon in society.

Back to the story: I had realized that when you are in a situation, you become emotionally attached to so many outcomes. You submerge yourself into every avenue possible to find a clear path. It is as if you are walking through a dense forest while a third person has a helicopter and provides you a birds eye view in the situation.

Recently, I am trying to develop this bird’s eye view because I get wound up in situations that, in hindsight, are not worth it. There is a certain level of detachment that I am trying to muster up in order to help me see my challenges clearly.

Sometimes its painful to do,
Sometimes its hurtful to breathe,
Sometimes I exist with you,
Sometimes I can’t believe,

Face the fears, and you shall be free

Sometimes I feel out of faith,
Sometimes the heart bleeds colorless tears,
Sometimes a man without a face,
Sometimes I need your love to face these fears,

Face the tears, and you shall be free

Sometimes lost and found,
Sometimes lusting to run away from the pain,
Sometimes buried in the sands of hurt, beneath the ground,
Sometimes need your plumber to unclog the drain,

Face the pain, and you shall be free

Sometime is a time in abyss,
Sometime remains forever and gone,
This time I will live in my bliss,
This time I am creating my home.

Things and things some more

2008-04-20T12:20:00.000-07:00

My cousin who is only 13, is a miniature model of me(hehehe). Free spirited, no shit from no one, loves to get lost alone and run around free. Loves with an open heart without fear. She is the only one in my family who makes me feel at home. I remember going to Dubai and we just walked around. Exploring without maps, going across the open sand dunes, getting lost in the outskirts of Sharjah, became best freinds with the bus driver. The bus driver could not speak english but yet all three of us communicated somehow. That is beauty. And after all that finding our way home after 6 hours.

Her message this time:

If you want to see the rainbow,
you must go through the rain,
If you want true love,
then you must go through the pain

I am always shit faced how my cousin can send me these quotes or lines without me ever asking but yet they always fit.

Faith

2008-04-18T19:18:00.000-07:00

It is so hard to let ourselves go and be fully immersed in a world that is beyond our control. It is our each individual destiny that seeks to remain in control at all times. To grasp the path that we are on, so determined, so ambitious, so moving. We want to do it all and take names while at it. When we loose control of situations we become scared because we do not know which way we are falling. There is not a landing zone that can be clearly seen from our eyes. The only thing that we know is that we are falling. Immersed in a flight that is being pulled by the forces of gravity. You reach out to grab a hold of something, your heart pounds harder as each attempt fails because you are completely blind. Blinded by the path of falling, blinded by letting yourself go. Thats all you can do, just fall. No matter what you reach for, it just doesn’t matter because there are no places to hold.

We feel full of confidence when we are in control. The driver in our cars not the passenger who is letting life just go by.That is what we strive to be. Always be constantly taking directions and keeping the faith in us. But falling is part of the same game. You fall in areas you do not know. You take steps from which might lead to your demise, but you keep pushing forward. You fall based on blind faith that people so often talk about. But what happens when the faith is not coming from you but rather faith in something else. That is what falling becomes. The faith, confidence, trust is not in yourself but rather the position of your landing. That you trust no matter what, it will be a good place and it will be alright. Also, is this not what we seek to accomplish with our faith in us. To bask in an arena of no motivation, no movement but just BE. Flow with the energies of earth and remain in that moment. This could be translated in the conventional forms of pleasures, i.e. shopping, sports and the most important orgasms/ejaculation. We mount all this stress to release it and it is in that moment we let our selves go. Away from the pain, away from our mind and just exist. Having complete faith and trust in the world.

This is what vulnerability is I guess. You let yourself fall, having utter complete faith in the area you land in will be alright. You let go of your inhibitions, insecurity because it does you no good while you fall. It could be the end of you, or the happiest place but it is all uncertain. Nothing is for sure.

I feel a sense of calm now, through the many oceans and rivers, the calmness remains. The faith in letting myself go. It scares the shit out of me because I do have faith in my ability but more importantly I need to have faith in where it all goes. What will it become or will it ever be? The questions of insecurity plague my mind amidst the darkness clouded by fear. Is it worth it? Does it exist? the endless what “if’s”

I see a light though, it exist. It shines bright and it will lead me. Thats all I can do at the end of the day, is to remain open, hurtful and have faith in all of this. Should be interesting to see what the future holds.

Just DO it already!!

2008-03-29T13:44:00.001-07:00

Choices, choices and more choices. That is what this current life-style leads to nowadays. That is all we want, more options and choices. But what happens when you get all those choices do you ACTUALLY pick one or just sit there wanting more. A lot of people come up to me and say “It is always one thing, nothing in the middle or both”. “What happened to the grey line”. Well my friends in the most circumstances in my life (around 95% for the nerds out there) I have to come realize that it is all either THIS OR THAT. No grey line.

Any choices you have all simply break down to a simple “You will pick A or B”. It is as simple as that and nothing more. It is more so that people become scared of the consequences of the choices rather than choice itself. They let that consequence hold them back, become all scared of the big bad ol choices they loved so much before.

For example,

Go to a party and don’t know what to wear. You have kabijillion things to wear but you can’t choose one. WHY…. BECAUSE YOU ARE SCARED OF WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU DON’T LOOK GOOD IN THIS DRESS/SUIT OR THAT ONE.

HOW TO DEFEAT THAT S.O.B:

So stop for a second…..ok good, now… JUST GO OUT WEARING WHATEVER. Take that choice and learn from it. Who cares about the outcome, what will happen WILL happen. But the important this is you make that choice, there ain’t no right or wrong. Its all about learning and LIVING. My grammers sucks ass but yet I still write because it is the choice I do. I probably won't even understand this later but its all about learning.

So ^&%^ it and do something already

New dance

2008-03-11T20:26:00.000-07:00

Almost have this on lock down.

Incredible! from kwest on Vimeo.

Untitle

2008-02-23T08:51:00.000-08:00

For when you get lost,
When light is no more,
Let my heart be your guiding light,
And you shall find your way home.

Born for love

2008-02-10T08:38:00.000-08:00

by Buscaglia

Choosing to be a lover doesn't preclude common sense, nor does it mean that we check our brains at the door. Those whose love relationships are nothing but emotional roller coasters may find that their intellects provide a stabilizing influence for a smoother ride.

It is injustice to speak of “love at first sight”, “Happy ever aftering” and “unconditional loving” as if they were givens, to be expected simply because we are human. We continue to resist any notion that love is learned, that it takes great conscious effort to acquire the requisite skills to keep love alive. Rather, the majority of us are prone to wait until we find ourselves despairing, lonely and overpowered by feelings of hopelessness before we look to a better understanding of love as a possible answer. So we continue to scoff at love. And the result? More loneliness, more aspirins, more high blodd pressure, more therapists, more ulcers, more headaches, more laxatives…(goes on for another 8 lines, to lazy to type it all out but you get the piucture)…..more death.

Snap, Crackle and Pop

2008-02-02T15:43:00.000-08:00

This is my type of jam baby. Nothing but good ol dancing and having fun. Reminds me of my time at "Where's d'angelo" and Gilles P concert. It's time I shall get back in this funk and grab my funky partners to boogie.

Bethoven's music at it's best use.

Modern Day Schizophrenia

2008-01-25T18:10:00.000-08:00

One of the most peculiar mental symptoms I find in this contemporary day and age is schizophrenia. The disease that creates a different perception of reality for one individual is not agreed upon the others. This in turn creates the fact that these individuals are just hallucinating, what they are witnessing is something they have just created inside their own minds. But aren’t we all victims of the same hallucinations? But the only difference is that we have the luxury to fantasize about those fears whereas these individuals make it a reality and deal with it everyday.

It was somewhere in between watching the Beautiful Mind and Woh Lamhe, that people with this mental disorder have the choice to face these fears. They spend each waking moment facing the reality and lies of what this world has to offer. In the lies that are created in their mental state is cleared up by their own inner struggle to find the truth. The truth of who they are, what is real and what is not. The most captivating scene, in which I had melted into goo, was in the Beautiful Mind. John Nash had entered his room to apologize to his wife about his behavior. His inner struggle to decipher the truth had led way to the climax of his frustration. Then in a mere instant, the frustration, anger, hurt had all dissolved when the wife held his hand and said, “This is real”. The camera pans up as she moves his hand to her face. Just a simple touch, feeling, sensation of belonging, warmth and comfort. Enough to provide motivation for John Nash to decipher the reality of his mental disorder.

The reason I bring this up, as mentioned above, is that I sometimes get lost in this fantasy. Spend day’s on end either it be in some meditative form or regular day, trying to understand and face my fears. I fail to realize it is just that, a mental form, perception and attitude. I have for a long time to run away from my fears, suppressing these emotions then going head in first into the dangerous elements. It has been with an attitude to defeat this fear and let it subside forever. But forever is never and time is always temporary. It has become more evident to me, that I must live with these fears in my mind or heart. Let them arouse inside me and invite them with open arms. I for one am this modern day schizophrenic, hell I would stamp myself with a seal if needed.

These grim realities/perception need to exist. They need to be there. So I am going to enjoy them and bask with them as I enjoy myself. But the difference is this: Allow/feel these fears but do not let them CONTROL me. I commend the people who are able to face their fears in reality.

You are already home

2008-01-24T10:26:00.000-08:00

Excerpt from the article "The rental life" by Jesse Hicks
Full article is here Rental Life

Inside we found an austere, retro-modern décor teeming with hipsters. Behind them, the view of Times Square exploded so brightly it obliterated all detail.

Wardrobe NYC’s von Sperling had told me that New York, like its West Coast doppelgänger, Los Angeles, was a city of conflicted dreamers. Though they worked hard and played hard, somewhere deep inside they nursed a feeling of primal dissatisfaction with themselves. I knew that feeling, and now I was among them. They swirled around me with studied indifference, gazing down on Times Square with what they hoped was a look of ennui. Obviously, I wasn’t the only one faking it.

At first, the “cooler-than-thou” atmosphere felt oppressive. But as we sat on gold couches, drinking by candlelight and admiring the monochrome erotica on the walls, I began to feel at home. Despite my personality makeover and rented glamour, no one had yet recognized my extraordinary uniqueness. No one had greeted me with a red carpet and popping flashbulbs. I’d spent all this time making myself fabulous…and no one had noticed.

In a way, though, I had become one of them. Not by copying their look or aping the self-confidence that seemed to come naturally to them. The revelation, when it came, was a little like the ending of The Wizard of Oz. I didn’t need those ruby slippers—the car, the watch, the wardrobe—to go home. I’d been home all along, among people trying just as hard to impress me as I was them. We were all kindred spirits, self-conscious and playing dress-up for each other.

That’s how we’d all come together in this penthouse bar with overpriced drinks and a spectacular view. That’s what we were paying for, after all: the view of ourselves. For the price of admission—the price I’d paid for my rented persona, the time I’d put into becoming Brad Briggs—I got to watch other people, watch them watching me. We could play our roles until, like in a movie, we all disappeared, back out into the dark night from which we’d come.

Let's talk about sex

2007-12-30T21:46:00.000-08:00

Sex is one of the most powerful emotions in the world that has lead to many wars and much given beauty to this world. It has allowed generation upon generation to survive from a mere quick burst of emotional ecstasy. But isn’t sex much more than just the combination of some super pelvic thrust combo. Is it not much more? Or has it just become a tool that we use to obtain 3 seconds of mental freedom (for women maybe about 2 minutes or so, depends on the mood LOL ☺ ). After a quick burst, we come back to reality; question the act we just did. Measuring our own self worth against our performance. It is also the reason why so many men get married at an early age to relieve their right hand of a tedious duty.

Now I sat with my 16 year old cousin, looking straight into his eyes as he asked “How do you deal with masturbation?” My jaw dropped, I had forgotten that in 3rd world countries sex was word that would cause a man to become eunuchs. In a muslim country such as Pakistan, sexual discussion is left for individuals to discover amongst the western pornographic material and bollywood. “Ah” I think to myself. Good’ol bollywood, how well did bollywood teach me about sex? I thought that by kissing a girl or chasing her around, I could get her pregnant. Oh how I was wrong on that as I learned years later in my health education class, while slipping a condom on my fingers. Anyways, I sat still frozen, peering into the curious eyes of my kid-cousin, as a wise monk teaching him about sex. I soon began to realize his somewhat distorted-fixated view on what sex is and how it is done. Just as he enjoyed the pleasures of masturbation, I showed him the numerous diseases that follow the ever so beautiful pleasure. He took a 5 min break to go throw up in the washroom ☺.

Sex has changed the social ways of a 3rd world country. It is a tool, I feel, that is used to keep individuals (mainly women) at a lower level. This leaves a bitter taste in my mouth because the younger generation will be the future that will not be able to understand the human needs and growth. It is natural for humans to question bodily changes but to suppress those questions just instigates problems the elders fuse such as rape, prostitution etc… Men who are unable to cope with their sexual needs, turn towards treating women as meat and then turn towards prostitution. I feel sad about how such a beautiful thing is turned into a monstrous tool of gender control. This discussion in itself is huge to cover just by itself and I guess I should digress it into something more focused later on. Until then be safe kids and wear a condom.

We get what We want.

2007-12-27T09:43:00.000-08:00

JACK JOHNSON LYRICS

"Cookie Jar"

I would turn on the TV but it's so embarrassing
To see all the other people I don't know what they mean
And it was magic at first when they spoke without sound
But now this world is gonna hurt you better turn that thing down
Turn it around

"It wasn't me", says the boy with the gun
"Sure I pulled the trigger but it needed to be done
Cause life's been killing me ever since it begun
You cant blame me cause I'm too young"

"You can't blame me sure the killer was my son
But I didn't teach him to pull the trigger of the gun
It's the killing on this TV screen
You cant blame me its those images he seen"

Well "You can't blame me", says the media man
Well "I wasn't the one who came up with the plan
I just point my camera at what the people want to see
Man it's a two way mirror and you cant blame me"

"You can't blame me", says the singer of the song
Or the maker of the movie which he based his life on
"It's only entertainment and as anyone can see
The smoke machines and makeup and you cant fool me"

It was you it was me it was every man
We've all got the blood on our hands
We only receive what we demand
And if we want hell then hells what well have

And I would turn on the TV
But it's so embarrassing
To see all the other people
I don't even know what they mean
And it was magic at first
But let everyone down
And now this world is gonna hurt
You better turn it around
Turn it around

Another one from my book of poems

2007-12-09T14:26:00.000-08:00

Suggested song "Banana Pancake" by Jack Johnson.

Take this step with me,
Hold me until we fall asleep,
Let me feel the warmth that resides,
Let me kiss your neck as you uncurl into me.

Lets make love by sprinkling kisses and hugs,
Lets close the curtains and cuddle all day
let the curtains be our shield from the world outside

Let you and me be, dace with our hearts all day,
Scratch my chest and tickle my back,
while I hit you with pillows and toss you in the blanket,
Let it be and let it flow because only then we can always be.

System

2007-12-03T16:53:00.000-08:00

It is only a very few time such a good person ever comes across in the music world. For me it is Seal, a genuinely soul singer that captures all the emotions of who I am and my journeys in life. His previous albums somehow have coincidently always have come at a time when I needed them. Miraculously, this new album is a rebirth of who he is. It is his path found again from the clouded life he was walking in. So much energy, so much force, so much love.

I do not buy albums, I have only bought 2 albums in my life. The first one I ever wanted to buy was from the movie "A goofy movie" but my mom never gave me the money to buy it as a kid :(. The albums I have bought are Nas and Seal.

Seal's own personal journey's and triumph with his music and career reflect alot on my character. Minus Heidi Klum ofcourse, well one day I shall get my Heidi Klum one day as well. Until then..heck even forever, Single and Handsome is the way to be! She has also sung a song with Seal on this album called "wedding day". To my surprise she has an excellent voice and the contrast with seal's voice is just heaven for your ears.

One of the things I always love looking at is the album cover. I ripped open the package and read the album cover at the mall right away. Unlike conventional artist who give shout outs and have 100000 words with nick names, Seal has little bits of poetry. It got me choked up, I haven't been choked up in a long time, I almost forgot how that felt. Surreal.

------------------
Excerpt:

To my listeners

If you can't find your place in this world, your life's important to me. Feels like every sunday's just a day in the week. If you're lonely and you feel like reaching up might break you down, don't go under...out time is now.

No condition is permanent (aside: also one of the teachings of buddhism)

Born into dysfunction of a vicious cycle. Daydreaming to the point of realization, married with childrean, breaking one system and creating another.

-------------------

YEA SEAL, THATS MA BOY!!! NOW GET YOUR ASS TO TORONTO FOR A CONCERT GOD DAMMIT. I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First Snow fall

2007-12-01T21:10:00.000-08:00

Your beauty is like the first snowflake of winter,
And when I hold you, your heart melts away,
Let our bodies come close and stop the shiver,
Start a fire, hold you and let our hearts get swept sway.

Random thought 5001

2007-11-07T20:05:00.000-08:00

It seems that I always have the best things come out during an ADD moment. This is what I had written during a gmail convo with a good friend of mine. No where else to copy and paste it, but here.

The night is in the night of the day. When things come to an end but always go dismay. So to this I close my eyes and fall asleep, for I know I am free in my dream

Taking new pictures with the kodak p712

2007-04-14T11:49:00.000-07:00

King of his castle

Jack and Jill

Gotta Love taking naps

Innocence

Pictures

2007-04-13T09:41:00.000-07:00

I am excited to get my new camera today, So at work I was just playing with the lumix they have.

Home made music video

2006-08-16T07:14:00.000-07:00

Hello,

This music video was home made and it takes alot of talent to pull of what these guys did. I still can't find the song and it is bothering me cause I like it and want it. If anyone knows the name or the group who sang please contact me.

Man o man.

2006-08-14T14:39:00.000-07:00

This is an excellent piece. Just wish there was a club like this in Toronto.

Check your motives and thoughts.

2006-08-14T14:33:00.000-07:00

clearing my clouds

2006-08-12T22:53:00.000-07:00

wake up,
wipe the cold from the eyes,
the sun awakes the people,
a never ending alarm clock,

the rays fill my room,
so empty it is,
is it the room which is empty or my inside,
Inside i cant see,
wish i had instructions or a manual to fix this.

The brain creates the emptiness,
you are the be all and end all of problems and peace,
find harmony within yourself to be free
Look unto yourself and not others

Walk the path of your own,
dont talk alot,
talk when its needed not excesively,
excess of anything is never good,
keep the bare necessity so it is not necessary for you to need too much.

As its only you in the end that is left,
not your foe or friend,
Not your mother or father,
but only you in your coffin,
which is empty of life.

Car on fire!!!!

2006-08-12T22:47:00.000-07:00

Hello readers.

On my way home from work, there was a car on teh 401 west bound lane which was emerged in flames. It was nuts to see an actuall car on fire. I beleive it was a nissan 240 an old school one. The owner was pretty far away on his cellphone. I am just astonished as to how a fire could start and engulf the whole car like it did.

watch the video clip my brother took. You can hear me going buck.

The Lone Ranger.

2006-07-24T09:34:00.000-07:00

In the recent events that have taken place in the Middle East, one must only feel sympathy and anger of the situation. Our leaders have the brain capacity of peanuts. Rather than diffusing the situation they are holding “security councils” and other sort of tea parties to discuss what shall be done. The term “all talk” comes to mind. Some of the leaders have made their statements about the situation. George W. Bush AKA head chimp of the world – “Israel is allowed to defend herself”. This statement would be proper if the country was under attack by a super power. But in this case they are being attacked by radical muslims who have the brain tolerance of a peanut. You get peanuts on both sides of the border.

The person I feel for the most are the people who rejected by the embassy because they are not from a certain country. Countries who are able to afford the evacuation have sent help to evacuate their citizens. What about the little child who has lost his mother in Lebanon. No one will pick him up and bring him to safety. He is the black sheep, the outcast, the lone ranger. I will be posting up more articles soon on the situation as I have had not a full chance to read all comments and actions properly. At times like these we must stay strong and help our fellow brothers, not Canadian’s, Americans, but brothers who are people just like you and me. We have to break from our segregating thoughts and see each one of them as our brothers and pray for the violence to stop.

This is for the kids who have lost thier parents. The lone ranger's.

Movie review: The notebook - Love does exist.

2006-07-24T09:11:00.000-07:00

This saturday night I decided to stay get comfortable in my bed with my teddy and watch the notebook. This movie came as a recomendation from one of my freinds. I did not have any expectation nor did I know what this movie was about. I was expecting the movie to be about journalism or something along that manner.

I have always said, "with an introduction of a movie you can tell what it is going to be about". The introduction started on a lake with birds flying in slow motion. The camera was following a person who was canoeing on the lake. I could not have asked to make a more better introduction with the setting bieng evening. The slow setting of the sun with the slow movements of the birds was more than I can ask for. The introduction ended with the camera panning into a room where a senior was residing in. I knew this movie was a romance at that point.

Aside: anyone who knows me, knows that I am a die hard romantic person who has a library full of nothing but romantic novels. No Bilal, not the kind where the muscular guy is holding a beautiful lady in his arms.

The chemistry between Rachel McAdams, who one day shall be mine ;) , and her counterpart Ryan Gossling was incredible. Thier perfomance was oozing with natural elements of unscripted lines. At my expectations were shattered because you can tell when some lines are writtten and when some are just performed in such a great manner that they leave the heart wanting for more. As all masterpiece, each element has a vital role to complete the bigger picture. All the supporting actors contributed thier raw talents to the performance which will deffinately make this movie an all time classic for decades to come.

The ending of this movie, shall leave you in tears as at that precise moment I was hugging my teddy bear as it was the end of the world. Sometimes in the in the contemporary world we forget about the conecpt of "love" and just use it as a tool to manipulate a situation. It is movie's like this that allow your hearts to be free in the sea of greatfull thoughts and hope that love will definately guide your way.

over all 9/10 a first ever in my books.

Summer Rain

2006-07-21T07:44:00.000-07:00

These picture I took out on my flower bed after a night of rain.

I have named each one. I feel like writing a story for each though LOL.

This is a story of life.

(birth)

(middle age)

(death)

Make a story from these pictures that will forever be embeded within your thoughts and mind.

Long time no see.

2006-07-14T11:21:00.000-07:00

I rise from the clouds once again to come back to this blog. Man life get's so busy when you are taking summer school. All my attempts at writing up a blog have failed.

So this past month, The bbq for my birthday was amazing. Raised alot of moneyh for charity. Then the day after, lupe fiasco concert was amazing although I felt it was short. His performance was not bad, from what I can observe he seems to be a laid back fella just trying to get out of the so called "grind".

Will be back with some more.

Walking.

2006-06-08T20:23:00.001-07:00

You walk a thousand miles,
they walks none,
You loose yourself,
they eats your soul.

You go for gold,
they make you take bronze,
You look for love and support,
they give you thorns.

You walk a thousand miles,
They walk none,
You beat wiht the rythm,
while they beat your heart.

.... still a work in progress.

Poet Duet - Addiction.

2006-06-05T06:28:00.000-07:00

These 2 do an amazing performance of thier duet. It is great teh way hey implement a hint of music into it.

Check it out.

Let's go for the skin!

2006-05-25T19:34:00.000-07:00

Enjoying the beautiful day's that are coming due to summer, I was stunned while watching a tv commercial. The TV commercial was about Gillette Fusion "the new revolutionary razer".

How can a razor get more revolutionized. In the primitive ages we had one blade, which was sharp enough to take some one's throat out. Then the 2 blade's, then we all remember the hardcore advertising blitz for the mach 3. Now comes the fusion with 5 blades, 4 in the front one in the back. I currently use the mach 3 and would have to blame it for the rapid hair growth. The closer shave causes my hair to grow back faster plus the fact that I am brown doesnt help me one bit.

I can barely handle a 3 blade razor they come out with a 5 blade razor for extra comfort. There is no extra comfort with the extra blade, why dont they invent a razor which has 10 blades, so that it shaves so well that your whole skin peel's off.

Come on fellas, lets not fall into a gimmick here. If any females reading this post, they must be banging thier heads and saying "Why dont they just wax its soo much smoother"

Another day Another post.

Through my eyes pt1

2006-05-19T08:03:00.000-07:00

It drips, it pours.
From the pours it seperates from its womb.
Almost as an infant child it grows as it rolls down.
The beauty of light bieng refracted with in gives the colour of life.
It rolls, leaves a trail.
The trail of its affect on things around.
As it approaches the center it grows with every movement.
It's the sun as it attracts others.
The others join to make it a bigger one.
It grows turning into a community of love.
Then death comes in blades.
It wipes the existence of love and comfort.
but as death approaches there are,
New drops
New trails
New journeys

Another day another post.

Take care fellow readers.

Lets' fail together!

2006-05-19T07:49:00.000-07:00

Hello,

It has been a long time since I have followed up with my posting but I have had the unforgetable fortune of bieng sick. So here is my comback thoughts that I have dwelled on while lying in bed during the days.

As summer school begin's for me I have realized that I have to step up my game, and yet again i make those never ending promises to myself to "go for the gold" "this year is going to be different" "this is gonna be a 90% avg year" and year after year after year, it seems that these plans are nearly made of fragile glass. Thinking along these lines I started to ponder about failiure... not just failiure in academics but other aspects in life. All these questions that I have been asking took me to the inner root of my problem: The fear of failing. Another great example is when you are sitting in class, the prof asks a question. You know the answer but will not answer it because you have a fear of it bieng wrong and look like a fool among your fellow peers.

As a youth, I cant speak for most people, but I remeber bieng ridiculed and made fun of due to the fact that you were unable to get certain grades or be smart. Always notice how the teachers always liked the students who were smart but never paid attention to the students that were getting poor grades. While growing up, i was never told to make mistakes in life, it was always if you do it, it has to be right the first time around. The teachers never encouraged making mistakes in class nor any activity that would divulge and not make students feel less intellectual then thier peers. Further more, this diseas of not making mistakes limits our ability to grow as individuals and tap into our eutopia of infinite beauty.

I have myself in 100% of the cases have come up with great ideas but will never follow through. Alot of people should realize that it is not the lack of motivation that handicaps a person but it is the fear of failing that stops them from proceeding. I remember last year, anh bilal and myself were trying working on a business plan (keyword "trying" hehe) and I remember we got books from the library, and we had these big discussions about how to not make any mistakes because this has to be it. The fear of failing was coming at us at full force that we handicapped ourselves to go for the gold.

In short i have only one favor ask to ask you. I dare you to make a mistake. I dare you to fail and see that your plans are not great. I dare you to feel the essence of failiure and beat. Cause only knowing these feelings/experience will lead to your growth of ultimate success in what ever you want to do in life.

I am back!!!

2006-05-02T09:28:00.000-07:00

Hello readers, internet dwellers and all of the above creatures.

(suggested song to listen while reading: In love with myself - David Guetta)

For the past 2 - 3 weeks i feel from teh face of the planet into the abyss of studying. It was a long uphill battle to redeem my knowledge and come out on top. Little by little I steped above, and with each step I becamse stronger and more ready for the exams that awaited me. Now, like a hibernated bear coming out of it slumber, am looking and feeding. Feeding on the beautiful energy of this planet.

SUMMER HAS BEGUN PEOPLE GO OUTSIDE!!

So now that I have got my exams out of the way, I shall be posting my summer thoughts here more often. This summer I have decided to find myself spiritually and mentally. I am venturing off into doing my own thing to earn some dollas and if that does not work out I can always steal some money from OSAP teeheheheeh or just rob a bank. The latter one might require jail time.

So people of this internet life, go outside and breath the fresh air, allow yourself to see the beauty of each single flower /blade of grass. This summer is going to be awesome.

I will also be posting my weekly goal of loosing weight and getting in shape.

Till next time,

Another day Another post.

ISIGHT with my IMAC something very funky.

2006-04-08T18:22:00.000-07:00

Pictures I have taken on my IMAC, some of them are really trippy.

List of things to do while you study.

2006-04-08T18:16:00.000-07:00

As we all succumb tothe pressure of cramming our brains to reach our optimal level of output while we ruin our slep patterns and our digestive track with cafffenated drinks I decided for better ways entertain your self while doing some exam prep.

#1. Try to seduce your Professor so you can black mail him. ( Come on ladies work your magic ;), For the fellas; let's just hope he walks on the other side of the road :P)

#2. Why not pay a homeless to call in a bomb threat for you? He has nothing better to do and I am pretty sure the jail cell will be better than that cardboard box he is living in. I call it Bumvertising.

#3 Nothing better than brown nosing. Bring your prof an apple spiked with some laxatives.

#4. Try to imagine smoking up with your professor and talk about your course.

If you have an idea to share while you study feel free to post in the comment section or just hit me up on my email.

Let your game speak - NEW MJ commercial

2006-04-08T18:07:00.000-07:00

Below I have posted a link to the latest Michael jordan commercial about his new XXI shoes.

If anyone that has a great passion for playing the game of basketball will be deeply moved by this commercial. The slow monotone procedure of this commercial allows the viewer to feel so connected because if you are a player who is passionate about playing the game regardless of your skill, you have atleast once tried to vision yourself in the same attribute as michael jordan. To show the side by side of the plays of Michael Jordan is what I try to imagine how I play like when I play baseketball.

Check this commercial out.

Enjoy

Sunshine is here

2006-04-02T21:19:00.000-07:00

Yes, the great summer time is upon us once gain. Thesun is here and it is bright and shining great. My quest to loose weight and excercise has begun, i will start posting my plans and what methods I am doing to work out.

I am starting at 240 lbs and going on a high protien diet. I will keep you posted.

Oh fearless leader where art Thou!!!

2006-03-30T11:00:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of george Bush. Take a good look at the red cricles.

The only equalizer in life is immortality.

2006-03-21T14:03:00.000-08:00

(listen to “Get by - Twalib kwali” while reading this post”)

It has been one of the greatest unsolved mysteries of mankind. It has been pondered by every single soul on this planet but yet we feel completely invisible or immune to it. If you have not caught on yet ( by the title of this blog ), I am talking about death. Death comes in all shapes and sizes, circle, rectangles, oblong, sometimes fast and quick to the point and sometimes painfully slow. The bottom line is we never get used to it and nor we appreciate the time that we have been given in this world by a god or if you are an agnostic - a superior being.

This past weekend, a person who I knew by association got in an accident and was killed. I will make the details short and straight to the point. Going about 120km/h on north america’s busiest highway ( HWY 401 in Toronto) at rush hour and slamming into back of the truck. His funereal services were held yesterday (Monday march 20 2006).

It is almost surreal what has happened, I had to pinch my skin at the funereal to realize that this was not a dream. This could not have happened to me! Sure, I always hear these stories in the news but this could not be happening to me. Death.. what is Death? Have you ever heard of it? This is a new subject to me ? How could this happen in a split second.. This must have been organized or pre-planed. Death isn’t supposed to happen out of nowhere.

Well the truth is that in the life that we lead (most north Americans), we are always busy. Wake up…work..home..eat..sleep… little leisure time with the family. We have intertwined our lives with superficial beliefs or materialistic values. Always wanting more! Well I am not saying it is bad to want more but truth be told we are never content or satisfied with what we have on our plate or what is in front of us. We leave no room for death or the acknowledgement that one-day we shall fall into the deepest sleep from which we shall never awake.

If there was a clock, which was placed in front of you, a clock lets say which has a countdown to your death. I am pretty sure you would realize or regret how much of your time has been spent and you would start utilizing the time you have to bring you the most joy or feeling. Would you tell someone that you love him or her more? Squash an old conflict that you have? Make mends with people in your life? Help someone live their life in a better way?

Another question I will leave you with, Why is it that we need death or some thing soo life altering to make positive or proper changes?

You are already here so you can start now.

Life is way to short, so live long and enjoy each second.

Another day, Another post.

Can't pass the hurdle

2006-03-13T18:55:00.000-08:00

The way I currently feel is summed up by this song. Great song.

EVANESCENCE LYRICS

"My Immortal"

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[Chorus]

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

[Chorus]

Another day another post.

No borders

2006-03-08T17:05:00.000-08:00

What happened to the world of yesrtday where we could run free. Frollick in the mud, put every single flavor of pop in one cup at your local burger king or mcdonalds. Not be told "people dont behave that way" when you roll around in water or jump in the leaves that you just raked.

I have realized that as you grow older, things just seem to loose their taste. I remember bieng a kid and bieng able to do what ever I wanted to and not care. In contrast with now, I get frowned upon or even at times get shuned from my social groups of the things that I do.

I have decided that when I get older and have enough money, I want to create a playground for adults. Monkey bar, Super Slides, Tire swings and the whole 9 yards. With white sand imported from cancun and have a water bed along the side.

Ahh that would be the life.

"I raise my glass to the feelings of yester-years and to the years that become yesterday"

Another day, another rant.

L'oreal commercial for Men

2006-03-08T08:59:00.000-08:00

Another day another story.

So today I saw the magazine ad of L'oreal. The top half of the picture had a middle aged person, a part of his face was zoomed in on which showed wrinkles. The line below the picture stated "She would like you better if you had less wrinkles", wih showing the l'oreal wrinkle free cream on the side.

These ads are the new set ads targeting men because homo-sexuality and metro-sexuality is more accepted in society now and so the companies thought "Hey, we can make some money here, why not add more money to roll around in our pockets".

The reason this struck a chord with me was because how strong the message was. When I first saw the ad I thought twice about it "Hmm, maybe i should get the cream cause chicks will dig it if I don't have wrinkles" A couple of seconds past and I realized that I was feeling insecure thanks to the ads. we men finally get a glimpse of how women feel and how much scrutiny they go through and the attacks on thier characters. Some woman who reads this is probably thinking "Finally, they get a taste of thier own medicine" "Burn in hell men" etc..

I will try to scan the picture and post it here if i find it.

Take care people.

Thank you for your time.

Police Brutality

2006-03-03T17:20:00.000-08:00

I steped outside of the mall, closing the door behind me, feeling the mid february air hit my face like needles. I took a look at my jacket, which was unzipped and decided that if want to surive this weather I should zip my jacket up. Sometimes the weather is so devious, from inside of the mall, the sun peered so warmly on the horizon to make it look like a nice warm evening.

I take a step closer to the sidewalk, trying to see if my ride has arrived. Took a step back and enjoyed the sun . From a distance I saw a black blob turn into 7 dark figures which later morph into individuals. As they walked passed me, scannign my body, they stoped a yougn african american teenager and started to ask him questions. I could after a while assume this questioning had turned into harrasement as I heard questions like "Why are you your pants so low?", "Are you hiding something underneath your shirt?","If i check your cellphone will it be legit or should i know its stolen?" I was in a moment of shock, I could not beleive that the people I trust to keep our city clean were using stereotpes and profile to go after criminals. I almost thought i was in a nightmare and I should pinch myself.

What got me really worried was that thepolice wre trying to shoo away anybody who was watching, almost as if the police do not want the public to see any of this. The only question would arise is that why should the police shoo away a crowd for not to see 7 officers search a young black youth when he represented no danger? They did it so they would not look bad or be reported to the office. Another point I would like to add, this could be a coincidence, all of the 7 cops were white!!!!.

A lightbulb switched in my head. This section is for the drug dealers and killers and all the undercover criminals. IF YOU WANT TO GET AWAY WITH A CRIME DRESS LIKE A WHITE COLLORED WORKER. The reason that I am so upset is because I was there for longer period of time and was not serached nor asked any questions. The poor teen was humiliated by taking his shirt off and checking his boxers while I stood watching. The feeling of not doing anything to help him burned me inside and made a promise to myself to never give any respect to people in uniform unless they gave the same respect back.

IN the end, the boy had nothing on him and he walked away. As I sat in my car and exited the parking lot, I saw the 7 officer swarm another young black youth and i silently prayed for the young black youth.

I hope this will open some eyes of my readers.

Signing off, will be back later with some more good stuff.

Gotta Stay grounded

2006-02-19T20:56:00.000-08:00

Recently I was having dinner with my freinds and as I took a step back and basked in the beauty of it all, my freind starts complaining about how his food was bad. He started to complain and got a new plate of food right away free of charge from the restaurant. This brought back my memory to the time I used to work in a high class country club where, we would throw out plates of steak, untouched food etc..

Back to thinking about the loss of the amount of food brought a frown upon my face thinking about the other half of the world that is unfed and going to bed hungry. It is unbeleivable about how we, as in people with comfortable living standards, take regular things for granted. This message has been repeated over and over again, but this time it strung a chord with me because I actually thought about it in depth. Just try holding your breath till you can't breathe, then you will realize how necessary it is to have air.

Well I guess it will happen and I cannot stop everyone but I am gonna start with myself to atleast stop my habbits. I do need to loose wieght anyways LOL so this could be as an added bonus.

Somethings have to be accepted and let live but that doesnt mean the individually can't change with himself first.

Procrastination - a disease or excuse?

2006-02-08T13:50:00.000-08:00

As i lay down, I wonder if god will procrastinate when it comes to judge over a billion people. It makes me wonder that this disease( as i liek to refer to it) has plagued almost everybody and anybody at anytime. Like the saying goes around my university "Procrastination is like Masturbation, You just end up F***ing your self". My response to this is, well I guess people get alot of pleasure from themselves.

So this leads me to my ultimate question, Is there a way to get rid of this disease? I would have to suggest any business oriented person who is reading this, is to invest thier money in Reaserch development to figure out a cure. I know they would become instant millionares even bajillionares.

Even though I have taken some steps to reduce my procrastination it still lingers on the dark alleys of my brain like a person selling illegal goods. It call's me over and shows me the more "easier" path to life. If you just play games and do something fun rather than something you drag, you will be alot happier.

I guess this also shows alot about the character of a person and who they really are. In my case, the weakest. Getting onto a stronger path to eliminate this procrastination will be a journey on its own.

I guess I have to find "fun" in the things I do, and not percieve them as tedious work even though it IS that way. :)

Another msg, Another day, Another lesson learned.

Is change good?

2005-09-14T11:08:00.000-07:00

After a long time of not wanting to grow up and face responsibility, I have realized that in the end I am going to have to. Sooner or later I will need to get up on my own two feet and take that big leap towards independence.
The reason I was so scared of facing these responsibility is because of all the change that is going to happen ( Spend less time with my freinds, no more parents helping me out and facing all decisions by myself etc..). Everyone is scared of growing older - change in their routine/habbits of doing things.
I have tried to seek advice from elders about what to do in the future and how to spend my life. In the end I have realized that my quest of finding out what I should do was way for me to be sheltered by grown ups, almost similar to when someone says "Everything will be ok".
My struggle to make myself a better person still continues and this blog will allow me to centalize my thoughts and feelings of any subject that comes into my mind.